Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Today, I had the opportunity to sit down by myself for lunch.  It was fairly nice.  First, I got to actually eat lunch.  Second, I was left alone.  Now, those who know me know that I’m not antisocial by any means.  However, there are times when I like to just sit and think.  Admittedly, I do not do this enough.

During the quiet moments when I’m reflecting on my life, my family always surfaces to the forefront.  Almost without exception, I begin a self assessment of sorts right off the bat.  My biggest questions are how am I doing as a father and how am I doing as a husband.  I suppose the one I think of most often between those two is how am I doing as a father.  The reason for that is because Carsyn and Olivia are still very young and extremely impressionable.  My actions today shape who they will become tomorrow. 

Children are so enjoyable.  As a parent, you see snapshots of your own life when you watch your children.  Some of what you see makes you smile, and some of what you see makes you cringe w/ embarassment.  As I contemplated my effect on my children, I wondered one big question.  If Carsyn and Olivia could articulate (based upon their observation of me) how a father is supposed to behave, what would they say?  As far as any kid is concerned, their own father is the standard to which all other fathers are measured against.  So, what would my kids say?  The questions I’m most curious about are: “How is a dad supposed to react when you do something bad?” “How often are dad’s supposed to show you he loves you (using my actions as the standard)?” “How important is giving supposed to be in your life (if they are trying to be like me)?” and “How much of a role does God play in making decisions in our family?”  These are questions I feel would define me not only as a father but as a person.  How horrible would I feel if the answer to the first question was “You are supposed to yell at that person” or the second was “when you do something good?”

What got me thinking about this today was my remembering the problems we were having with Carsyn last night as she did not want to listen to mommy or daddy.  I remembered how frustrated I got with her and then began thinking how much more frustrated God must get with me as I routinely do exactly the same thing.  That thought then prodded me to think about my reaction to Carsyn’s misbehavior.  Did I handle it the right way?  What did Carsyn see in and through me as a result of my behavior?  God is a God of love and mercy.  At the end of the discipline process, does Carsyn see me as a loving dad or does she see a disciplinarian who is unyielding in his standards?  I remember that the very first illustration of God my children should see is how I deal with them.  They should see a tiny view of how God deals with his children in the way I deal with them.  Do they?  I hope so.  I pray so.