Groundhog Day

Quite a few years ago, I saw a movie called Groundhog Day.  The movie is about a guy who relives the same day over and over and over until he gets it right.  The main character is played by Bill Murray and the leading actress is played by Andy McDowell.  Good movie, in my opinion.  I digress.  Anyways, I bring up this movie because this is what my life has felt like during the past couple of weeks.  Get home at 7am, go to bed, wake up at 2 or 3pm, spend a little time with the family, get showered and dressed for work, leave for work at 5:15pm, start the work day at 6pm, get relieved and head home at 6:30 am.  Day after day until I finally reach Sunday when I have a day off.

I think the most frustrating part is there is so much I don’t know right now.  The people I’m supposed to be supervising ask me a question and I don’t know the answer.  Fortunately I’m working with some really good folks who understand I have a VERY limited knowledge when it comes to knowing their job.  However, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating when I want to make a significant contribution to the shop but can’t because I simply don’t have the knowledge.  My eyes and ears are open, so each day I learn a little more.  However, I fear I’m not very patient when it comes to wanting the knowledge that can only come with time.

The good side of the plant shutdown and my 12hr shifts 6 days a week is the wonderful paychecks it will bring.  Even though I’m salary, I will receive straight time overtime pay for the 32 hours per week overtime I’m working.  I still can’t wait to be back on my regular schedule, however, and start getting back into the AWANA rotation, and being back at church both day and night.  Just a couple more weeks left.

I do owe my wife a big thank you for her patience during not just this odd schedule I’m working but also during the wrestling season that I just finished coaching in.  I know it’s not fun to deal with all this, but she has been extremely supportive and I love her so much for it.

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Today, I had the opportunity to sit down by myself for lunch.  It was fairly nice.  First, I got to actually eat lunch.  Second, I was left alone.  Now, those who know me know that I’m not antisocial by any means.  However, there are times when I like to just sit and think.  Admittedly, I do not do this enough.

During the quiet moments when I’m reflecting on my life, my family always surfaces to the forefront.  Almost without exception, I begin a self assessment of sorts right off the bat.  My biggest questions are how am I doing as a father and how am I doing as a husband.  I suppose the one I think of most often between those two is how am I doing as a father.  The reason for that is because Carsyn and Olivia are still very young and extremely impressionable.  My actions today shape who they will become tomorrow. 

Children are so enjoyable.  As a parent, you see snapshots of your own life when you watch your children.  Some of what you see makes you smile, and some of what you see makes you cringe w/ embarassment.  As I contemplated my effect on my children, I wondered one big question.  If Carsyn and Olivia could articulate (based upon their observation of me) how a father is supposed to behave, what would they say?  As far as any kid is concerned, their own father is the standard to which all other fathers are measured against.  So, what would my kids say?  The questions I’m most curious about are: “How is a dad supposed to react when you do something bad?” “How often are dad’s supposed to show you he loves you (using my actions as the standard)?” “How important is giving supposed to be in your life (if they are trying to be like me)?” and “How much of a role does God play in making decisions in our family?”  These are questions I feel would define me not only as a father but as a person.  How horrible would I feel if the answer to the first question was “You are supposed to yell at that person” or the second was “when you do something good?”

What got me thinking about this today was my remembering the problems we were having with Carsyn last night as she did not want to listen to mommy or daddy.  I remembered how frustrated I got with her and then began thinking how much more frustrated God must get with me as I routinely do exactly the same thing.  That thought then prodded me to think about my reaction to Carsyn’s misbehavior.  Did I handle it the right way?  What did Carsyn see in and through me as a result of my behavior?  God is a God of love and mercy.  At the end of the discipline process, does Carsyn see me as a loving dad or does she see a disciplinarian who is unyielding in his standards?  I remember that the very first illustration of God my children should see is how I deal with them.  They should see a tiny view of how God deals with his children in the way I deal with them.  Do they?  I hope so.  I pray so.

Breaking the code (part I)

Some people make a living out of decoding encrypted messages.  Many of these people serve our government in the Department of Homeland Security.  Unfortunately, for many men this is where the ability to decode messages ends. 

In the world of a guy, communication is fairly black and white.  This is not true for a woman.  Take the following as examples:

When I sit and talk with a friend, I might ask him how a mutual friend is doing.  For me, a simple response of “fine” is acceptable.  To me, this means he is doing the same as the last time I saw him.  We might dive into the topic further for about 30 seconds or so, but that’s it.  However, when a woman asks you how someone is doing the same response of “fine” won’t work.  In fact, prepare for a tongue lashing.  When a woman asks how someone is doing, what they are asking is did anything exciting happen to them recently, if so how did they respond, if not then why not, how is their spouse, how are their kids, why haven’t we seen them lately, how is their work going, when will we see them again, and what did they have to eat last night (just to name a few things).  So, for the unmarried guys (or newly married ones) remember this, if/when your wife/girlfriend (you can only have one…I’m not suggesting you have both) asks you how someone is, spill your guts.  If you know their credit score, tell her that too.  Tell her anything other than “fine.”  Trust me, that is the path of least resistance.

Probably the most significant thing to understand is this:  “Nothing” never means nothing.  Let me elaborate.  Say you violate the previously mentioned “never say fine” rule.  Your significant other sits quietly.  You ask her what’s wrong and she says “nothing.”  DON’T BELIEVE HER!!!!  While she might have verbally said nothing is wrong, what she has really said is, “Boy you just screwed up and you had better start sucking up to me in a hurry or I’ll make your life miserable.”  The absolute worst thing you can do at this point as a guy is continue on with what you were doing because she said nothing is wrong.  You are now entering troubled waters and must proceed with caution. 

A third encrypted code is the line “5 minutes.”  This has a double meaning depending on the context it is used in.  For example, when you ask when she will be ready, her response is “5 minutes.”  15 minutes later you are leaving.  Accepting that 5 minutes is another way of saying “leave me alone, I’ll be ready when I’m ready” will go far in preventing arguments in your relationship.  Now, when you are watching a game and you tell her you’ll be up in 5 minutes, you do not get the same pass.  Don’t believe me?  Try it and see.  I dare say it will only take one time for you to understand.  Under no circumstance are you to bring up this double standard.  If you do, you might as well return to the paragraph above for how to continue forward.

When your wife/girlfriend comments on how good her friend/sister/some random woman looked, this is not an invitation for you to start commenting on how good that person looked.  This is true even if she asks you what you thought.  What she is doing is fishing for a compliment (even if it is on a subconscious level).  The safest approach is to agree w/ her but immediately follow it up w/ a compliment to her that sets her above the woman being discussed.  For example, “Yes, dear, she did look good, BUT I didn’t notice her all that much because I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”  See what happened there?  You acknowledged a stated fact, but made sure you placed your wife/girlfriend above “that other girl.”  Some might tell you to disagree w/ your significant other and make some disparaging remark (like “I think she’s gained weight”), but that gets dangerous.  If that is a close friend of hers you might do more harm than good.  The sure fire way is the way I recommended.  Even if she knows you are lying, she will appreciate the compliment and the attempt at making her feel good.

Seeing as how I’ve already passed the 700 word count, I’ll cut this list off for now.  As indicated, this is merely part one of an ongoing series.  Hope this was entertaining (oh, and Kelly, I always mean it when I say you look better than any woman in the room).

Change of Plans

This Christmas, my family was supposed to be in Spartanburg, South Carolina with our parents and grandparents (along w/ my brother and sister).  We were to drive out on Monday the 21st, but at the last minute our plans were altered.  In one way, we were disappointed as we would have loved to have seen the rest of our family.  However, in another way we were relieved not to be making the trip.  First, the 14 hour drive proves less than exciting for anyone…especially w/ 2 children and 2 small dogs.  Second, the hectic pace of dividing time between both sides of the family on Christmas is enough to drive anyone mad.  Staying here in Iowa allowed us to sit back and enjoy our Christmas without running from here to there and back again.  Lastly, we won’t be getting on any of our family’s nerves and they won’t be getting on ours while we are all under one roof for an extended period of time.  Every year, it seems like one or two arguments break out simply out of frustration.  3 groups of people who are used to having a house all to themselves all must coexist under one roof.  Difficult task even for the most patient of folks.  This year, the Taylor family (my branch of it anyways) had our house all to ourselves. 

Christmas was both pleasant and peaceful.  Carsyn woke up at 8am and tried to get Kelly and I out of bed.  Despite our best attempts to get her back into bed, we heard her a few minutes later downstairs.  Kelly and I jumped out of bed knowing she had seen the rest of her presents (Carsyn and Olivia had already received a few of their presents a week before since we expected to be out of town).  I went to Carsyn and Olivia’s room to wake up Olivia.  Olivia isn’t much of a morning person and had to be talked into getting out of bed to get the rest of her presents. 

Following the opening of gifts, we went to Pastor Dan and Londa’s house for lunch.  This was a wonderful time as the girls got to play with Lilly (something they had looked forward to since we had told them since the Sunday before Christmas) and we got to talk with Pastor Dan, Londa, and PD’s mom.  Very good time and it very much felt like we were home with our family.  I think that is a testament to PD and his family that they can make us feel at home even when we are miles away from our parents.

The evening ended quietly as the girls played with their toys while Kelly and I lounged around the fire watching TV (A Christmas Story).  Each of us talked to our family to wish them a Merry Christmas and pass our love to them.  True, it was not an eventful Christmas, but it was a restful one.

A Most Excellent Adventure

The title to this one brings back memories of one of my personal favorite movies when I was younger.  To the younger ones (i.e. 20 and younger), this movie will be as obscure as some of the movies my parents watched were to me.  The movie is Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  This was the first movie I ever remember seeing Keyanu Reeves.  Not one of his more intellectual roles, but a classic none the less. 

Anyways, my “excellent” adventure started Sunday night when I spun off the road in a truck that wasn’t even mine.  It was Mr. Jeff Wheeler’s.  Fortunately, I did not hit anything and came to rest softly in a nice mud pile.  Unfortunately, that same mud pile that provided a soft halt was the reason I could not get out.  A friendly State Trooper gave me a free ride up the hill to a McDonalds while I waited on a couple selfless gentlemen from church to come pick me up (a special thanks to Bob Kenward and Kevin Daugherty).  Walking out to Bob’s truck was the longest walk to date as I just knew they were laughing at me.  Shoot, I would have been laughing at me.  I don’t think any of this would have been as embarrassing if I had done it in my own vehicle.  

Monday, I headed back out to the scene of the crime to have the truck towed out.  It was in mud, so how long could this take…right?  Well, overnight in the near zero temp, the ground had frozen and the puddle the back tires were in had frozen around them.  All inch and a half of water was now a block of ice and the tires were it prisoner.  After and hour and a half on Monday night, we acknowledged we were not going to win this battle that night and headed home to gather the troops for another battle the next day.  Tuesday, Kelly and I headed back down to the site with shovels and garden hoe’s in hand as well as hammers and screwdrivers to break that ice apart.  Pastor Dan followed us down there, unannounced to us until we were a couple of miles away.  I truly did not want him to head down there with us because it was his day off and for a man who works as tirelessly as he does, he should enjoy that day off.  Rescuing a vehicle from the snow is not my idea of a day off well spent.  Pastor Dan, however, is a man unlike most.  Some people will spend Sunday mornings puting on a show for others so as to appear to be a “good Christian.”  Pastor Dan is what he appears to be.  He really is the kind hearted individual you see Sunday and Wednesday.  There is no mask there.  His actions outside the church support this claim.  I’m very lucky to have the oportunity to worship with him.  Anyways, back to my story.  The 3 of us ventured back down to West Branch on Tuesday sure this would be the day we drive the truck home.  Wrong again.  No matter how much ice I broke away, there was always more underneath it.  Now, I might be crazy but I’m sure I heard the ice laughing at me as I tried to break the truck free.

I took Wednesday off from work so I could dedicate the entire day to getting the truck out of the ice block it was in.  I started at roughly 10:30 (perhaps 11am) and FINALLY got the back driver’s side tire to bust free of the ice at about 2:30pm.  Excited, we called the tow company.  However, due to the heavy traffic that resulted from a wreck that had happended 100 ft away from where the truck was, they couldn’t get out to us until later.  After waiting an hour and a half only to be told it would be another 30 – 45 min, we elected to wait until the next day to try to pull it out.  We hurried home to shower and get to church for AWANA where we learned Thursday was to welcome in an ice storm.  All my hard work would be wasted.  I called the towing company to see if they could meet us out there that night.  They agreed and at about 9:30 pm (roughly 77 hrs after the accident) I was out of the median and back on the road.  Like a prisoner set free, the Dakota was back on the road.  A bit dirtier (well, a LOT dirtier) but back on the road none the less. 

Through all of this, the Wheelers have been wonderfully understanding.  Their first concern was of my well being.  I got the playfull ribbing that a friend would give you following such an occurance, but it was the same kind of ribbing I would have gotten had I done this in my own car.  I count myself truly fortunate to have such understanding and patient friends as the Wheelers. 

With this, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and safe driving.

Christmas Past

During my 30 years, I’ve had some great Christmas memories.  I remember when I got my first Nintendo (the original).  Man I thought I was big stuff w/ my Super Mario Bros. game and Hogan’s Alley.  Another Christmas memory I have is when I received my Photon shooting system (like Laser Tag but w/ more equipment http://www.retrojunk.com/img/art-images/photon.jpg).  Matt (my twin brother) and I had a blast playing with it.

However, not all Christmas memories are wonderful (although I laugh about them now that I’m older).  The one thing I’m most frequently reminded of is when I ruined my Dad’s surprise gift to my Mom.  Dad had bought Mom a grandfather clock during a special trip to Gatlinburg, TN he took w/ my brother and me (a “guys” weekend in Gatlinburg).  He was so excited as he had every detail planned out and just knew Mom would be surprised.  Of course, 10 yr old Mike had to ruin the surprise by going up to Mom one day and asking her, “What would you do if you got a grandfather clock?”  To this day I have no idea what I was thinking, but I still haven’t lived that one down.

Another Yule Tide frustration I’ve stored away in my memories was self inflicted.  My Mom would start a month and a half asking us what we would like for Christmas.  Matt and Christi would get to work writting up their list.  Me, not so much.  I couldn’t think of anything I wanted.  I was fine w/ what I had.  This drove my Mom crazy.  One year, it got all the way up to Christmas Eve and I still didn’t have a list made up.  So, on her birthday (Christmas Eve) Mom took me around town looking for something I’d like.  I tried to tell her I was fine w/ what I had, but she wouldn’t have any of that and almost threatened me w/ a spankin if I didn’t decide on what I wanted.  I had to laugh at her.  It was one of those moments where you just had to laugh (kind of like when my dad would tell us to smile for the camera or we would get a spankin.  Smiling out of fear…that made for good pictures).  In hind sight, I laugh when I think of such moments. 

I don’t think I could narrow down my Christmas moments to any one favorite.  I’ve been so unbelievably blessed to have parents who sacrificed when money was tight to make sure we always had good Christmas memories.  These “bad” memories I speak about weren’t bad at all.  In fact, they provide a laughing point for us now a days and make for hours of good conversations.  However, one of the more enjoyable Christmas seasons I’ve experienced was in 2001.  Kind of odd seeing as how we were only 3 short months removed from our nations worst disaster since Dec. 7, 1941.  However, that was the Christmas season I met my future in-laws and asked for their blessing to marry Kelly.  It was a good thing they bought in to me since I already had the ring (which Kelly didn’t know about at that time).  Such a good time as I reunited w/ my wife to be, my family, and got to know my future in-laws.  Hard to top that one.

What makes for a good Christmas for you?